Friending exes on facebook - a do or a dont?

Q: Recently, I innocently "friended" an ex on Facebook. Shortly thereafter I realized that he had privacy blocked parts of his page. Of course, I was disturbed and slightly insulted by this development so I promptly "defriended" him. What is a girl to do? Did I overreact? - MH


A: Well, when you play with fire, there's a risk of getting singed. It may have started off innocently, but from my experience, there's always an odd tension that's hard to shake when a relationship ends - even years after it's over.

Like you, curiosity always gets the better of me - how's he doing? who is he dating? did he get fat? However, put yourself in his shoes. If some random ex, whether you broke up with him or vice versa, contacts you after a prolonged period of radio silence, it's oftentimes viewed as suspicious. What does he want? Why now? Can't he just get over me?

In which case, unless I look like I walked off the pages of Vogue and I'm dating a Brazilian supermodel, I wouldn't want him to see my life summed up on Facebook, unveiling that I'm not incredibly and significantly better off without him. I would so block you too!

What may seem like a friendly gesture to you may be considered a surprise virtual attack to him. That said, I can understand why you were slightly insulted that your goodwill was countered by a mass privacy block. After all, you were just checking in on an old friend. Take comfort in the fact that he blocked you probably because he's not in that place. Therefore, defriend away. No need for that extra stress. It's probably for the best.