Rumor Control

Q: If your extended family member starts spreading rumors about you that are not true, should you confront them and tell them they are out of line? - VA

A: My gut reaction would be HELL YEAH. Put a stop to that ridiculousness as soon as you can. However, as I've learned from my past mistakes, I would take a few deep breaths and a day or two to think it through before erupting in retaliation and regretting it later.

As an example, my cousin was spreading horrific, "Girls Gone Wild" rumors about me to my entire extended family before my parents and I caught wind of this (actually, it was the knowing glances and the constant whispering at his wedding that gave it away). No fear of any consequences, I unleashed my pit bull of a mother on my uncle and I commenced an online verbal attack on him (hey, I was 19 and AIM was big back then). Nine years later, I still haven't spoken to him. Do I regret it? Maybe. I don't regret sticking up for myself and calling in backup, but I did lose one of my favorite cousins. However, knowing that my aunts and uncles still think I'm some Hollywood floozy no matter what I say, I think I'm better off without him in my life. And really, my family should know better.

Enough about me. In the end, people spreading vicious rumors about you are just jealous of you or your situation and are trying to find ways to hurt you so they can feel better about themselves. Not a shocking revelation - people can be really selfish. Maybe it's not even worth it to confront the bastard. As long as the people hearing the rumors know the truth, why even waste your time? However, if you're anything like me, I would calmly let him know that you heard what he's been saying, you don't appreciate it and cool off any relations. It sucks because he's family, but he's the kind of family that you just need to be nice to during the holidays.